I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
