You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
