I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize