Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
