I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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