god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
