I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
