I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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