Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I look better un-naked...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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