Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
