So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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