She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
