Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize