When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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