He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
