i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
