Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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