I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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