is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
