i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
