I can tuck mytits in my pants
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
