Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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