dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
