apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize