His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
