I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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