i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
