I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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