apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
