Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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