you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
