in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize