somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
