I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
