That's when you crack a 10am beer
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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