What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Shame is for Republicans.
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