im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
