I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
