I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize