i permit you to call me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this hospital has no fireball
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
