Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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