i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
