Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
