My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
