am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
