he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
