No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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