Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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