my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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