piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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