Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Still dying that you shit outside
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
