I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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