I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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