If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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