For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
