Only a mothe r could love this liver
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
