i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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