Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
