I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
