i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
