Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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