Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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