we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
