Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
