Having a random hookup so left but love u
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
