4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
