dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
