Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
